1. The 10-course banquet (and it’s always 10 courses, fewer and you risk seeming cheap, more and you’re pompous) starts two hours after the time announced on the invitation. This is the prime manifestation of the Vietnamese "rubber clock." All Vietnamese know this. If the invitation says 6 pm, they show up at 7:45. It's the pale-faced American guests, who are always punctual, that will arrive at 5:59 to an empty restaurant, and will sit there wondering if those Vietnamese are holding out on them and having a pre-reception party somewhere.
2. In all the dozens of Vietnamese wedding receptions I have been to in the past decade, only two had used classical musicians. The rest used pop/dance bands—and bad ones. The rule of thumb is: the worse they are, the louder they play—to mask their mistakes, no doubt. Coming home with your ears ringing is a ritual. So bring your ear plugs. As a matter of fact, bring a whole box of disposable ones. You’ll make a tidy profit at your table.
3.Vietnamese only give cash gifts (in the form of checks). It’s the one good thing about the Vietnamese wedding. It saves the guests the trouble of having to shop for presents, and the bride and groom the trouble of returning 9 of the 10 electric fans they will get. Now how those presents are presented is another matter. During a break in the ear-piercing music, the bride and groom, their parents, and entourage will visit each table. The parents or their representative will introduce the bride and groom, and one elected person at the table will stand up and give a little speech, bestowing best wishes on the couple. This person is usually the oldest person at the table, so unless you’re eager to give speeches, act young. This is also the perfect time to lie about your age. After this speech, guests at the table will hand over the wedding cards (with the checks inside) to one of the attendants in the entourage. The current rule of thumb for the gift amount is at least $50 per person in the guest party, more if you’re related or really close to the couple. This is one reason the Vietnamese wedding is almost always a positive cash-flow investment for the happy couple.
Some tips when you are invited to a Vietnamese wedding
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So while it seems you have some items correct about a Vietnamese wedding, I would say some are pretty far off:
1. 30 minutes late tends to be the usual decent time to show up...definitely not 2 hours.
2. I've never noticed many weddings to be especially loud with the music, not earplug worthy at the very least.
3. There's usually a box up front for the envelopes of cash (not checks, who has checks in VN?). No speeches at the table and certainly $50 is a lot for a gift. Not to mention that money will go to pay for the meal you just ate, not really much pocketed by the bride and groom.
Not sure if you are explaining a Vietnamese wedding outside of Viet Nam, but those are the corrections I'd give for a VN wedding in VN.
Your assessment is pretty much accurate depending on where the wedding is taking place in the United States.
1. It's becoming a bad habit of Vietnamese to be late all the time and it's not good for everyone. The bridal party and people who are on time has to wait for the latecomers. The more they wait the less likely they will be on time the next time. Nobody likes to wait so nobody comes on time anymore. I say just start on time and let the people who comes late enjoy the cold food. That way people will start coming on time again. I'm sorry but it is more disrespectful for people to come late and to keep the people who are on time waiting. Two hours late sounds like Vietnamese in California and Texas.
2. Sometimes, it's not just the loud music but it's also bad sound that makes it seem louder. A lot of band I've experience overload their system to the point of clipping or distortion. Speakers that distort sound do seem louder than those that don't. Bad sound is bad no matter the volume.
However, many Vietnamese bands aren't up to par. The majority of Vietnamese musicians have limited understanding of music theory. Many cannot read music and only play from memory or "by ear". Unfortunately our memory can unreliable and playing "by ear" usually means playing by "guessing".
3. The money gifts are usually given while the bride and groom go from table to table to toast and thank the people for coming. People used to give cash but nowadays checks are often preferred since weddings are sometimes robbed.
Come on people, change our bad habit of being late!
How do your experiences compare to ours?
http://www.jetsetzero.tv/2008/11/17/episode-5-student-teacher-relationships/
I was shocked at the volume of beer flowing.
I'd say it's pretty accurate for a US wedding, but a little exaggerated. 2 hours is a bit extreme to be late - I'd say 30 to 45 minutes is average (but be aware of food starting without you nowadays if you're late). I've never noticed the music being that bad but I guess it depends on the family and how FOB'ish they are LOL!! $50 might have been the average a decade ago... nowadays it's pushing to $75+ per person. Oh and I'm not sure it's a positive cash flow; from what I've seen within the family - you usually break even (unless someone else paid for the wedding and you get to pocket the gifts). You might also want to add that the groom's side pays for the wedding as opposed to the american tradition of the brides side paying :)
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